In this memoir, cold case investigator Paul Holes takes us through his memories of a storied career and provides an insider account of some of the most notorious cases in contemporary American history, including the hunt for the Golden State Killer, Laci Peterson’s murder and Jaycee Dugard’s kidnapping. This is also a revelatory profile of a complex man and what makes him tick: the drive to find closure for victims and their loved ones, the inability to walk away from a challenge–even at the expense of his own happiness. Holes opens up the most intimate scenes of his life: his moments of self-doubt and the impact that detective work has had on his marriage. This is a story about the gritty truth of crime solving when there are no flashbulbs and “case closed” headlines. It is the story of a man and his commitment to cases and people who might have otherwise been forgotten.

I had never heard of Paul Holes until after The Golden State Killer was captured. After that day, his name started floating around the true crime podcast world like he was the heroic Hercules returning with the skin of the Nemean lion. I even listened to his Jensen and Holes podcast every week. I enjoyed listening to someone with his experience being able to give his thoughts and views on cases (even if I didn’t always agree with him).

I originally read his memoir when it was released. But in returning to it for a second read, I find myself picking up on some details that I don’t particularly recall from a few years ago.

Paul’s use of alcohol

I am not a prude and I fully support adults being able to consume alcohol. However, at times, it almost seems as if Paul has turned to alcohol as a coping mechanism. I am not claiming he has a problem with alcohol. This is just something that stood out to me as I dug in again. I also recalled him talking a lot about alcohol on his podcast.

Paul’s personal life

I really admire Paul’s ability and willingness to be honest about his struggles as a husband and father. His passion for forensic science and solving cold cases is a very noble cause. But as someone who has also struggled with maintaining a healthy balance between my work and social life, I can see how easy it is to overlook or put aside things such as personal relationships. These segments of the book really help to make Paul more relatable to the readers and help demonstrate how his field of work has impacted every facet of his life.

The cases

Is it weird to say that the cases I was most curious about were the ones that impacted Paul on such a molecular level?

Yes, hearing about Laci and Connor Peterson or Jaycee Dugard is interesting. But these better known cases are well documented (even if there is still a huge debate over Scott Peterson’s guilt). The stories that stood out to me where the lesser known ones. Especially the ones that are still unsolved. Those are the ones most of us yearn to find answers about. They aren’t merely mysteries to be solved. They were people who lived, struggled, and ultimately were taken at the hands of someone else. They deserve to have their killers face justice.

I reached out to Paul a few years ago about my friend’s murder. I had hoped that with the funding his podcast were offering to run DNA in unsolved cases, that perhaps he might be moved to help with my friend’s case. I never received a response, and while I am sad that her case is still unsolved, I understand why. Yes, I asked Paul for help, but I’m sure hundreds, if not thousands of others did as well. His book offers so much insight into the red bureaucratic tape that prevents so many cases from truly getting the second, third, fourteenth look that they deserve. I can only hope that one day there is movement in my friend’s case.

If you are a fan (you know what I mean) of true crime, this memoir will be a great addition to your bookshelf. Hopefully it will enlighten you to the struggles and hard work these men and women do every time they try to look into a case. At the very least, it serves to prove that there are people in this world that care, even though you don’t know them.

If you have read this memoir, feel free to let me know what you thought! I always look forward to discuss books with fellow bookworms.