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What to do?

So… for those who don’t know. Two nights ago, I lost my most recent sitter. This causes a big problem for me, as I was fortunate to have found one to begin with.

I work nights. One, because the pay is better. Two, because daytime shift is required to be available from 6 am – 10 pm. This, of course, is impossible for me. Our daycares close by 6:30 and I don’t have anyone else who could take Cameron at night.

I literally am living on borrowed time at the moment. I have a temporary sitter, but basically, in two weeks, I will be forced to leave my job.

Now, I know most of you are probably wondering why I can’t just find another job and just rolling your eyes.

Let me ask you, how many 8 am – 2 pm jobs do you know of?

Better yet, how many of those jobs are located in my small town in rural Louisiana?

So my solution? Move. Transfer to another store and try to start over somewhere else.

Of course, my options are extremely limited.

There’s Lake Charles, where I can’t afford the rent and I run into the same baby sitter problem I had before. So no point in going into all of that.

There’s Tennessee, where I have my grandmother’s house to stay at and she can help with Cam if I can get transferred to overnights at one of the local stores. But it’s an even smaller town than here. There are few employment options and in the end, I will never even have a chance of amounting to anything. There aren’t any real resources to help Cameron with his autism and it’s quite possible, he will never have a normal life without the proper schooling and assistance.

Then there’s Ohio. I have tried for years to avoid taking this step. I feel odd moving near Justin and his family. But they live in a large city, with lots of job opportunities (including nuclear power plants nearby), there are more resources for Cameron’s therapy and eventually, we might be able to live comfortably (no more hand to mouth).

Great option, right?

Wrong. Justin has concerns about us moving there. Everyone does actually. My family is worried I will get up there only to turn back around. Justin’s family is overwhelmed by the prospect of us moving in a few short weeks. I have no idea if I can find adequate daycare and I don’t have anyone to watch him at night.

I found an apartment, I think I can afford it and I might be able to afford to move right into it, but I don’t know…

With Justin’s family concerned about us coming up there.. I just have this ominous feel about everything. Everyone keeps saying this is so fast, this is so fast.

It’s like no one realizes that it’s so fast for me. I thought I’d have more time to save up and plan. I thought I’d be able to pay off some bills first. Maybe get the truck fixed. My goal was to wait until next summer and now my head is spinning from everything that is going on.

I am trying to avoid the catastrophe that is going to occur if I lose my job. We will lose all ability to pay bills. I will possibly never be able to find a job that will work with my limited time availability and pay enough to support us. We will… just exist. I don’t know that I can live with that and then that leads to my final and most heartbreaking decision.

Offering Justin full custody…

Which, he doesn’t want. He likes his life. He has a decent job, a girlfriend, a new townhouse and he’s content with his life. I can’t say I can even blame him. Seeing as I know, just how difficult it is to care for a child.

But I don’t know what else I can truly do. I’m just stunned at the fact that my life up to this point has been a complete failure and there may be nothing I can do to change it.

I will attempt to talk to my temp sitter and see if she can watch him a bit longer than two weeks. I will spend all day tomorrow working on securing a day job and a day care up in Ohio. Once those are secure, I will see where I stand at trying to obtain an apartment. I don’t want to be a nuisance to Justin’s family. I had hoped we could stay with his mother for a few weeks. But with her concerns, maybe it’s not a good idea.

Honestly, can someone tell me what to do? What is the right thing?


About Kristine

As an aspiring author, avid bookworm, fitness fanatic and dedicated mother, there just aren't enough hours in the day. I write or post about things I'm passionate about and spend my time trying to make the most of every day. Life may be a tough journey, but I have my ruby red slippers and am content on skipping along this yellow brick road until the end of the line.

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