So… as I was going through some old pictures on my Myspace page, it dawned on me: Cam’s site has no pictures of him and his father.
Now, I know some might think this was done intentionally, but truthfully, I would never hide those pictures from him. Truth is, I have very few pictures of the two of them downloaded even on Myspace, let alone anywhere else. Add to that, Justin and I have been seperated since before Cameron was 2, so he has only seen his father two times since then.
As a child who rarely saw her own father, I can understand how hard it is for a child to understand the situation at hand. For years, I idolized my absentee father and despite whomever’s fault it was that I rarely saw him, I always blamed my mother. Now, seeing my own son in this situation, I can only hope my mother realizes that I didn’t know any better.
As they say, the grass is always greener on the other side and to my young mind, my dad was a superhero and my mother was the villian. These titles weren’t earned by either parent. My mother, though not a perfect mother, did the best she could with what she had. And my father chose to persue a life of his own.
Am I saying he didn’t care about me?
Absolutely not. I believe my father cared for me as best as he could. Just as my mother did. Though I see my behavior towards Cameron and I see how I try so hard to be completely opposite from how they were with me. I don’t want to repeat the mistakes of my parents and I can only hope that in the end, Cameron doesn’t hate me for it.
Anyways, here are a few pictures of Cameron and Justin:
I can only hope that one day, Cameron and Justin are able to build some form of father/son relationship, because I do believe it’s best for a child to know where they come from. But regardless, I hope he knows I will always be for him and I will always love my little man.