Things are never as they seem and people so rarely look beneath the surface. This is something I have learned in my 26 years on this Earth and truthfully, it’s a sad fact to accept.
My faith in people is constantly tested and renewed, though not necessarily by the same person.
Sometimes I wonder exactly where my place is in this world. Surely, this… isn’t it?
I know that sounds awful, but I’m 26. I don’t want this to be it for me. I don’t want this to be all there is and sadly, I can’t help but wonder sometimes just what is left to explore.
- Fallen in love
- Had my heart broken
- Made mistakes
- Made mistakes again
- Finally learned from those mistakes
- Traveled the world
- Made friends
- Lost friends
- Had children
- Been married
But… honestly, have I truly done anything worth the air I breathe in daily?
It’s amazing, how in a world with over 6 billion people, you can feel so… alone. Truly isolated within your own head, with no one and nothing but the thoughts that you think to comfort you. That truly is a sad realization.
Will I be remembered? Truthfully, I highly doubt it. From what I have learned, if you don’t have anything to offer someone… they forget you exist. I know that sounds depressing, but truthfully, I just take it as a sign… I am meant to be alone. Friends are only relevant for as long as you have something to offer them. I have never met so many people who claim to be your friend and then the second you falter and can’t be perfect, they practically spit in your face.
I guess that’s not entirely truthful. I remember how high school was. How even some of my “friends” were only my friend to my face. So I guess that should just mean that it’s sad how as humans we never mature past being a teenager?
I fear for my boys. They deserve to have what I had when I was a child in Tennessee. We were poor, but I was happy. Things were never perfect, but what I would give to have that childish ignorance once more…